Well, it’s my absolute favorite weekend of the year: the Air and Water Show.
NOT.
This weekend, millions and millions of (miserable) people will flock to Chicago’s beaches and fight for viewing spots in the blazing hot sun (or the pouring rain), fight for parking, and fight for a place to pee. Their ears will hurt, their kids will cry, and their minds will spin out of control when they can’t get cell reception.
Realtors actually promote condos where the only redeeming attribute is the vantage from which to view the Air and Water Show. And some losers find the thrill so alluring that they will pay a premium for a crappy condo solely because they can see people fly fast planes and jump from them for two days a year. Two days. No matter that they will suffer unbearably for the remaining 363 days.
So, as you probably remember, every year I step up to the plate and perform my civic duty by suggesting alternatives to this horrendous experience. And, without further ado, here, is the 2026 Brad Lippitz list of things you can do instead of participating in this sad annual ritual:
Call your friends on the telephone and actually talk to them on it. Write a novel. Write a second novel because the first one wasn’t that good. Learn - AND APPRECIATE - the difference between a cormorant, an egret, a heron, and a stork. Explain to me why people like tiramisu. Finally master Bingo. Rate the baristas in your neighborhood and give them awards online. Become a candy influencer. Spend the day at Costco and make the sample-handlers mad by eating all their stuff. Ascertain the real differences among bottled spring waters. And finally… starch and iron your family’s sheets.
No matter which you choose (a combo, perhaps?), I wish you the best of luck surviving the onslaught this weekend. I hope I’ve helped in my special way.
Best,
Brad
